What I Learned: 25 Jan - 31 Jan

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 To be honest, this week has been a bit of a blur and of perfectly warranted anxieties. To extract what I have learned would be like wiping crude oil off a bird's wings. But I will try?

  • Delivery matters.
I listened to two people delivering the exact same speech and was reminded of the difference between communicating a speech and merely saying it. The former conveys the implicit meaning the words attempt to capture, while the latter expected the words to stand on their own merit. I know this to be true, for music because it is something I struggle with. Due to my perfectionism, I want the presentation to be technically perfect, forgetting that the purpose of music is to express the spirit, not just communicate the text. This is a lesson I keep forgetting, so it was nice to be reminded.

  • I am not where I want to be. Not who I want to be.
But equally, not so far removed from that ideal that I feel pressured to change substantively. The dissonance between my ideal and reality is, rather ironically given my socialist leanings, is material. I believe in using things to communicate who you are. Its why some people build their whole identities around being PC Bros or Android Loyalists. Or why fashion is and will continue to be, a force of social nature and conditioning. How we consume (not just that we, or what we, consume) speaks volumes about the nature of our character, and the nature of our material circumstances. To clarify, I don't want to accumulate material objects en masse. I want to consume objects that better reflect my ideals and aspirations. From books and articles to beauty products and clothing. I want to be able to travel and have experiences that challenge and encourage me. I understand how this may read, and the implications it may have for my character, but, on some level, I don't care. I am not asking for these things to be handed to me, nor am I seeking sponsorship. I want to earn these things, by my own merit. Become the person I want to be by my own merits, through carefully chosen relationships and unintended and cultivated experiences, expressed through the material things I consume and bolstered by strong beliefs and convictions. Even typing this, I fear I have not expressed myself well, but I look forward to revisiting this idea later in the year.

Unfortunately, that's it for the week. I truly wish there was more but this week has been, simultaneously, over and underwhelming. I feel as if, I simply existed this week; pulled forward by time itself to the present. I suppose this is a perfect end to a month of intentional reflection. Not every day will be profound or exciting or purposeful. But those days matter most; they provide a reprieve from the exceptional that, if it is persistent, become banal. They provide a foil upon which the days that challenged you, encouraged you can shine bright.

On that note, bring it on February. But kindly please, for a bruise easily.


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