Do Nothing (Pt I)

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I spent an hour doing nothing yesterday, and it was weird. Except, I wasn't really doing "nothing." I suppose it is a bit unfair of me to characterise my activities as "nothing" simply because they were not economically or personally productive. But that's what it felt like. The time I, unintentionally, took for myself yesterday, I spent observing the world around me. I basked in the sun. I played with dogs. I looked for shapes in the cloud. I mean, at one point, I was, literally, smelling the roses. And this is weird. It's been years since I took the time to simply be in my environment. And even longer since I allowed myself to respond to and appreciate that environment. 

This permission came because I know I have the time. But also because I've been conscious about rethinking my patterns and my life. I'm trying to be more deliberate about identifying and communicating my needs. As well as more intentional about my leisure time. The result is days like this, and the day before. Days where I realise that the stability I craved was never material, but personal. I want to be constant in my life. Not my stuff. Not my career. Not my relationships with others. But the relationship I have with myself. And bit by bit, I'm building the life I wanted, and the result is nothing like what I expected. 

It's softer. 

It's a lot less glamorous (shout out to Fergie for teaching me how to spell this). 

It's mine. 

And as I did "nothing" yesterday, I felt a sense of ownership over my life I haven't experienced before. For a brief moment, I didn't want to be anyone else. I didn't disassociate. I was happy and content. 

So, here's to doing more "nothing"


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