A Moment of Reflection

-
I recently posted, what I thought to be a relatively benign, status on Facebook. It read;
Condoms should be sold; sanitary pads should be given for free. Sex is a choice. Menstruation is not...young girls are suffering.
I posted this because I had, recently, read an article in the Daily Nation that said that young girls are resorting to prostitution in order to be able to afford sanitary pads. Prostitution, for me, is not the issue. The issue lies in the absence of a state mechanism to help these girls get the resources they need and the ubiquity of those mechanisms worldwide. It lies in the general treatment of menstruation by social bodies (governments and doctors for example), which informs the absence of the necessary mechanisms. Hence, the status spoke to me; because there was evidence of this suffering. Yet, soon after I posted this, two people raised the fact that one should not be provided, for free, at the expense of the other and that both are equally important. As I debated with them, and internally recognised the validity of their points, while externally failing to address that (sorry), I was struck by how deliberately stubborn I was being. How I was taking their disagreement as a personal attack and how this was at odds with what I believe a conversation, borne of disagreement, should achieve (understanding, not the binary duality of victory or defeat). This led me to two points of reflection; the personal and the social.

Personal

As stated, I have always believed that conversations should be had to understand each other, not to win. Yet, when put to the test, I wanted to win. I wanted them to concede, and the reasons why are (for the purposes of this reflection) immaterial. And in this, I truly apologise to those I had a conversation with; for talking with this mindset as it, immediately, prevented a successful dialogue. I failed to uphold my end of the deal. Perhaps the reason for my mindset was my, rather, pessimistic understanding of the political process; or the simplicity of thinking in absolutes or the fact that my privilege prevented me from seeing the bigger picture. Either way, this is something I know I need to work on. I can't even reply with "to each their own", because I understand the validity of their argument and its positive impact on my understanding of the issue. I can admit that the structure of that sentiment misses the point of the debate entirely and is rooted in sexism, unnecessary absolutism and classism.

Social

I would have loved to say I posted this as a social experiment; to test how social discourse occurs on a potentially contentious issue. However, that was never the intention. It is too easy, in topics which illicit passionate responses, to stick to your guns and demand absolutes. Think abortion, Brexit or the China/Taiwan question. Now not all absolutes are worth the nuance. If someone argues that "race is biological, not social" or if someone states that "feminism is no longer necessary", I would listen to understand how to deconstruct that thought, not to learn from them. However, in conversations like these, which demand the goal be understanding to come to a solution and greater, communal, understanding of the issue, then some people may respond like me; wanting victory in that conversation; wanting to be right without wanting to better understand the problem. Wanting individual validation over finding a solution that works for most people. I may have spoken about this here before, but I've always done so within my ivory tower. But I now see the appeal and I understand how difficult it is to switch tracks and adopt a more nuanced view. It is why policy discussions devolve into shouting matches where people talk past each other rather than to each other. It is why, when arguing with those you love, it can be easy to perceive the situation as you vs them, rather than both of you vs a problem. 

Night Y'all. Not particularly sure if this post makes sense, but it was for me (this is a reminder for myself, don't worry).

Your AWKward Girl Next Door 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy Mothers' Day

-
To be, or not to be. That is the eternal question. Should I become a mother?  When I look at the world around me, the answer is no. No matter how much I yearn to be privileged with the care of another human being, I do not want to raise them in an environment that consistently limits their capacity for success. I do not want to raise them in a world that is dying and burden them with the responsibility of saving it – of being better. I do not want to raise them in a world that does not care about who they are, but what they can do.  Yes, there are a lot of 'I's in that paragraph. And yes , I recognise that parenting is not an, exclusively, maternal responsibility. Yet we live in a world where I will be held to greater account for my child's successes and failures than my partners. When this is coupled with my inability to indulge in the possibility of, truly, having a partner, I struggle to envision motherhood as something accessible for me . This is, even, before I conside...
Read more

So, England is Weird

-
I know, I know.  England is only weird to me because my reference point is home (otherwise known as not  England). But still, England is weird. Everything here is so, cultivated. No, that's not it. Manufactured? Artificial . Deliberate. Conscious. Ordinarily, intentionality is not a bad thing. Often, that's the difference between success and failure. But intentionality also highlights the things that are missing. For example, when you become aware that your partner isn't feeling assured, you show them how much they mean to you. When you become aware that your knees are crackling like an open fire while you squat, you introduce mobility and strengthening exercises into your routine. Likewise, when you become aware that people are lonely, alienated and disconnected, you create spaces that foster that connection across the entire community. And, in so doing, you realise how little the concept of community figured in your life.  By community, I suppose I mean people coming ...
Read more

Illegitimate Anger

-
I don't think of myself as an "angry person."  I can barely remember instances of pure unadulterated anger at a situation or a person. I struggle to maintain anger as an emotion - as it often turns into sadness. I set the threshold for my anger far too high (i.e. anger is only acceptable if someone I care about is hurt, or dies etc.) Above all else, I have never, ever, felt that I was allowed to be angry .  When my dad died, my anger was chastised and excised out of me, and replaced with fantastic petulance. When I was wronged, I was always reminded to be more empathetic and reserve judgement until I could speak to the other person. When I saw individuals using their class or race privilege in Africa, I was simply told it's not worth it. You could look at these anecdotes and think that the people around me were trying to teach me to let go of my anger and empathise with the recipient of that anger (an oft-ignored aspect of criminal justice, in my opinion). I don'...
Read more