A Moment of Reflection
I recently posted, what I thought to be a relatively benign, status on Facebook. It read;
Condoms should be sold; sanitary pads should be given for free. Sex is a choice. Menstruation is not...young girls are suffering.
I posted this because I had, recently, read an article in the Daily Nation that said that young girls are resorting to prostitution in order to be able to afford sanitary pads. Prostitution, for me, is not the issue. The issue lies in the absence of a state mechanism to help these girls get the resources they need and the ubiquity of those mechanisms worldwide. It lies in the general treatment of menstruation by social bodies (governments and doctors for example), which informs the absence of the necessary mechanisms. Hence, the status spoke to me; because there was evidence of this suffering. Yet, soon after I posted this, two people raised the fact that one should not be provided, for free, at the expense of the other and that both are equally important. As I debated with them, and internally recognised the validity of their points, while externally failing to address that (sorry), I was struck by how deliberately stubborn I was being. How I was taking their disagreement as a personal attack and how this was at odds with what I believe a conversation, borne of disagreement, should achieve (understanding, not the binary duality of victory or defeat). This led me to two points of reflection; the personal and the social.
Personal
As stated, I have always believed that conversations should be had to understand each other, not to win. Yet, when put to the test, I wanted to win. I wanted them to concede, and the reasons why are (for the purposes of this reflection) immaterial. And in this, I truly apologise to those I had a conversation with; for talking with this mindset as it, immediately, prevented a successful dialogue. I failed to uphold my end of the deal. Perhaps the reason for my mindset was my, rather, pessimistic understanding of the political process; or the simplicity of thinking in absolutes or the fact that my privilege prevented me from seeing the bigger picture. Either way, this is something I know I need to work on. I can't even reply with "to each their own", because I understand the validity of their argument and its positive impact on my understanding of the issue. I can admit that the structure of that sentiment misses the point of the debate entirely and is rooted in sexism, unnecessary absolutism and classism.
Social
I would have loved to say I posted this as a social experiment; to test how social discourse occurs on a potentially contentious issue. However, that was never the intention. It is too easy, in topics which illicit passionate responses, to stick to your guns and demand absolutes. Think abortion, Brexit or the China/Taiwan question. Now not all absolutes are worth the nuance. If someone argues that "race is biological, not social" or if someone states that "feminism is no longer necessary", I would listen to understand how to deconstruct that thought, not to learn from them. However, in conversations like these, which demand the goal be understanding to come to a solution and greater, communal, understanding of the issue, then some people may respond like me; wanting victory in that conversation; wanting to be right without wanting to better understand the problem. Wanting individual validation over finding a solution that works for most people. I may have spoken about this here before, but I've always done so within my ivory tower. But I now see the appeal and I understand how difficult it is to switch tracks and adopt a more nuanced view. It is why policy discussions devolve into shouting matches where people talk past each other rather than to each other. It is why, when arguing with those you love, it can be easy to perceive the situation as you vs them, rather than both of you vs a problem.
Night Y'all. Not particularly sure if this post makes sense, but it was for me (this is a reminder for myself, don't worry).
Your AWKward Girl Next Door
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