The Inbetweeners

Have you ever felt lonely? I'm not talking about that fleeting loneliness you feel but is easily ebbed once you see a friend or, in desperate situations, someone you vaguely know. I'm talking about the kind that is always there with you. No matter where you go. This feeling that you don't belong, even amongst family members and friends. I never understood how people could feel that way despite having at least one person who loves you and now I do. This feeling comes after living with people who are meant to be my family. People who should have this intrinsic, biological understanding of one of their own yet this is the loneliest I've ever felt.

I recently got into a relationship with this guy I really like. Logically, I should be head over heals by now because he is the most compatible guy I've been with. Emotionally, that's a different story altogether. So this got me wondering when my heart will catch up to my head - if it ever does. Or, and much more pressingly, when I will stop trying to prevent myself from fully experiencing the relationship. In order to understand where I come from, let me tell you a little something about myself. I believe , nay I know that love will get you hurt. I don't want to get hurt. I compartmentalize my life. I've been doing it since I was 8. My friends rarely interact with my family and vice versa. My relationships can interact with my friends, and even that interaction is controlled and limited, and never with my family. I don't adjust to things very well. I'm not big on romantic gestures. I feel like they are great, but they are not for me. They attract to...

It's been a while since I've posted something onto here and I really don't know why. But now that I'm here, let me talk about my aspirations and the lack thereof. I'm currently in University studying law and I've just realised that maybe that is not what I was meant to be. If I was truly honest with myself, I would admit that the only reason I'm doing this degree is so that I always have something to do. Something to keep my mind busy and distracted. For a while, I've had this feeling that I want more out of life than to be someone's bulldog or their sword and shield. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the academic challenge of a law degree but I, must admit, sometimes I don't care what Lord Denning thinks about trespass to the person or anything to do with the Godforsaken law of negligence. I don't know exactly what I want, but I do know that I want big! Not to be big, just 'big'. Once I figure it out, you'll be the first...